Ok. I am the first one to admit it. We, the APMID people, are greedy and lazy. I mean really lazy and REALLY greedy and vanglorious too. We dangle on dreams of luxurious limos, we plan to be some day relaxing on a 12 million dollar yacht sipping Singapore Slings and snorting cocaine from playmates plastic tits.

Of course, we don’t want to do any REAL WORK to accomplish this sort of lifestyle, so during the existence of APMID we have tried, tested and experienced the whole range of Get Rich Quick-schemes, from A to Z (maybe even to Å ?). Here I have listed some of our real life examples of online moneymaking-bullshit which did not work. Some of these are so ridiculous I can’t believe we fell for that.

Online astrology and gay dating

Idea: Sometime in the 2006 , somebody had the seemingly brilliant idea: What if we find an affiliate program which pays us per click, lets say 5 cents per click, and we then we buy Google Adwords clicks for less than that and make profit! If we’d find cheap keywords from Adwords we could link them to other affiliate programs too, directly, and surely if affiliate payout was big enough it would compensate Adword costs.

Reality: We had practically very little to zero Google Adwords experience before this, so we didn’t know anything about keyword prices and how it would actually work, etc but we certainly wanted to try it. After some googling we soon found out this is called Google Cash method, which allegedly was a big $$$ machine in the early days of Google Adwords. Too bad we were only 5 or 6 years too late.

We decided to try our luck with online psychics & astrology, and online dating niches. For astrology we would set up a little landing page and sales talk, and gaydating we’d link directly to our Adwords ads. So, while one of our guys was spending his evenings coming up with keywords such as hairy firemen and gay blindating I was organising our first domain: top-astrology.com. Actually, quite a good domain name! It’s short, two meaningful words, the only downside is the dash. Affiliate was some live online astrology/psychic reading aff from Commission Junction. Payout was very nice, $100 for each customer who’d buy astrology services.

affiliate marketing gone wrong
gaydating affiliate marketing

We bid on everything except the most expensive keywords, and we probably had the largest gaydating adwords campaign Google has ever seen to date. We kept promoting these campaigns for several weeks and received many clicks, and a few free registrations to our gaydating affiliate (which brought no money) but zero registrations to astrology affiliate.

So we lost lots of money spent on Google Adwords, had made ourselves to write dating ads from gay perspective and felt like idiots trying to promote some stupid bullshit like online astrology. Epic fail.

Wonderful World of Online Pornography

Porn. If you think Internet, then porn is not far to seek. It’s, even in the digital world, the oldest and still best performing business. Every second, 30′000+ people are accessing porn on the internet. No wonder we got interested in that business.

The idea is pretty simple: You sign up at online porn providers — they give you the content, you have to bring it to the people. It’s extremely expensive to produce content, but it’s extremely hard to actually sell stuff in an environment where loyalty does not exist (porn users just go to the next best thing, they don’t really care for brands or affiliations) and where different sites provide virtually the same stuff (our CTO liked to refer to this as tits are tits). So, online providers make thousands of cheap labour (us) do the work of creating blogs, creating websites, running online ad campaigns. In return, they pay out 20-35% of every sale back to us. This is not a bad deal, so it seemed. With one provider we could make up to $70 per new user sign-up.

So what did we do? We setup up multiple websites (with good domain names, hosting with 800GB traffic volume included), 8-10 blogs on thumblogger.com (biggest porn blog provider) and ran couple of ad campaigns (see gay firemen above).

What’s the verdict? As affiliate of online porn providers you could make money for a living. However, it would be a full time job of shit work. Updating blogs, creating connections with other bloggers, spam thumb websites with your galleries, etc. Beside moral issues, time was simply too worthy for us to waste it on porn. We made couple of hundreds but also spent couple of hundreds.

Ringtones

Holy shit. Did I just say ringtones? I’m embarrassed but we actually did sell ringtones as business. But to give us some credit, the real pathetic losers are the mobile providers itself. They spend literally billions on UMTS frequency band rights to allow annoying teenagers to stream high-resolution porn (see post above) to their mobile phones while in public transport. So from that perspective, selling ringtones is not that bad.

How did we do it? What did we do? Well we signed up as affiliates at mobile ringtone providers such as mobilemoney.biz and a dozen others. While sounding pretty phony, mobilemoney.biz turns out to be a lucrative, successful, and legal business.

Number one reason why selling ringtones is not profitable is because it’s simply impossible to generate traffic for your website. While, in the case of internet pornography, your content is at least directly appealing to your visitors; this does not apply to ringtones. It’s simply a too difficult to distinguish yourself from your competitors. The only party who wins big are the content providers and the phone companies. Remember, ringtones is a multi billion dollar business. Hands off unless you want to waste your precious time.

Online Prophecy Generator

Actually, we all are quite proficient programmers. Or at least we were. Once we created a quite trivial prophecy generator .. and it turned out to be quite a cool thing, generating literally million different, grammatically correct (sometimes even truthful) prophecies!

If you want to check it out, just click here for the Prophecy Generator.

Just now, when inserting this link, it generated the prophecy:

“…another king shall arise out of Holy Land, born from a freemason, the overthrower and destroyer of the human race, who shall destroy everything with the pole shift…”

scary!

That’s not all of our ventures in the land of cheap online money. We also tried selling domains, mapping the hot women of europe onto google maps with voting capabilities, a web meme generator, poker bots, online sports betting and more …

And we won’t stop — cause we can’t stop.


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